Protecting Yourself from Stalkers
By Marlene Gundlach | December 16, 2008
Stalking
A stalker is defined as an individual who follows or pursues another individual out of obsession or derangement. Two-thirds of all stalkers are ex-boyfriends or ex-husbands. Stalking is driven by obsession. There are two main types of stalkers. The first are those obsessed with love; they tend to target complete strangers. The second group are driven by simple obsession and usually focus on someone they know. Generally, the person has rejected the stalker in some form and this drives the stalking behavior. Stalkers have trouble accepting “no” as an answer for anything.
There are some things to look for to help decide if you are being stalked. If you receive a lot of hang-up calls, or hang-ups on your answering machine, it could be a stalker checking to see if you are home. You may receive strange letters in the mail or through emails. This person may always seem to be everywhere you are: the gym, coffee shop, library. Now, all of this does not always mean you are being stalked, coincidences do happen. But, if these behaviors escalate and this person begins to show up at your home and increases contact with you, it is time to act. Some may try and convince you that it is sweet that someone is trying to get your attention this way. Do not take this type of behavior lightly. Stalking is illegal and can become a very dangerous situation if not dealt with properly.
Recently, a friend of mine had just finished tutoring a student at the library. As she was cleaning up her materials, a man approached her and said how he had been watching her the last few weeks how well she worked with kids. He continued to make comments on her body type and tried to give her his card so they could “talk about why she got into the field of education.” As she shared her story and told us how afraid she had been, she wondered if she was over reacting. We all assured her that in that type of situation, you have every right to over react. She changed her tutoring location for a few weeks. When she did return to the library, she was prepared to tell the security on hand if the man showed up again.
Learn what the stalking laws are in your state. If you choose to confront your stalker, do not do it alone. Be sure you have witnesses and someone with you for back up. Like in the case above, mention what is happening to a manager or security personnel. Preferably do it in a public location. As hard as it may seem, call the police and report every incident. If it is well documented, you will have an easier time obtaining a restraining order should it get to that point. Keep any letters and phone messages as proof, and keep a diary of confrontations or sightings. Change your routine if you can, going to the gym at a different time or driving a different route to work. You may even consider changing your phone number. Carrying protection such as pepper spray may also be a wise choice.
