Safety Tips for Kids
By Marlene Gundlach | July 11, 2008
A top priority for every parent is child safety. Unfortunately, parents can not be with their children at all times. For this reason, parents have to take personal responsibility for being sure every environment their kids are in is equally as safe as the home. Wherever it is that your child spends time — school, church, athletics, friend’s houses, etc. — it is your right and obligation to know what the rules are in these situations and how they are being enforced.
Stranger Danger
Watch the nightly news a few times a week to see how important it is to teach children about strangers. Some parents worry about making their child afraid of every “unknown” person who walks down the street. Still, if the alternative is allowing a child to feel safe when approaching everyone they come into contact with, it is best to border on the stricter side of child-protection and education. Part of the problem is that adults talk about strangers like they are four-headed monsters with horns, wielding large weapons! Don’t paint a picture of some dark man with a trench coat and evil eyes. Children need to focus on the real definition of a stranger; anyone that they do not know is a stranger. Not all strangers are bad, but all strangers have the potential to deliver trouble.
Diligent parents can teach children about stranger safety in a calming, effective manner. Begin by personally preparing yourself for the “stranger danger” talk to avoid feeling anxious and fearful. Explain that you truly believe that most people in the world are good people. The problem is that not all people fit into this category and some adults have problems that lead them to do harmful things to kids. Parents shouldn’t be explicit when explaining what can happen to children who wonder off with strangers. Instead, just explain the consequences as you see fit and prepare your children for situations that will require a safety plan you can both agree upon.
Providing your child with a safety plan will help both of you feel more at ease. Explain that if the safety plan is followed, s/he will be safe. One part of the plan should involve what to do if a stranger approaches. Depending on your child’s age, this could happen at the park or on the way to school. The main focus should be on not speaking to strangers and immediately finding a trusted adult to report to if a stranger does try and talk with your son or daughter. Go through some scenarios with your child regarding where these situations might happen and what to do to stay safe.
Another situation worth discussing is separation from the parent or family while shopping, at a beach, or at the amusement park. Talk about the potential options, such as finding an employee or a mom with children of her own. One day, while out shopping with your child, it would be a good time to continue the conversation, helping them look around for adults that would be good choices should he or she ever need help. Children should always know that it is okay to simply yell for help. No matter where they are, no matter what the situation, yelling for help will always draw attention and potentially scare off an abductor.
That brings us to the last scenario and probably the scariest for any parent to face: what should your child do when grabbed by a stranger? This may take some practice, and having your child act out a scenario like this may be helpful. Part of your teaching should enforce that, first and foremost, your child should take the necessary precautions to avoid ever being close enough to a stranger so that he or she can be grabbed in the first place. But, if it does happen, give your child absolute permission to scream loud and kick hard. A loud scream of “NO” or “This is not my mother/father,” will bring the attention of anyone within ear-shot. Again, don’t worry about being polite….teach them to kick, punch, and do anything they need to do to get away.
Having a secret family password is a trick that can avoid one of the tactics many abductors employ. They will approach your child and say, “Your mom sent me to pick you up, there is a family emergency.” Teach your child that they are never to go with someone they don’t know unless that individual knows the family “secret password.” Choose something that would not be easily guessed but is easy to remember. Don’t use the child’s name or a house number, as these are all things an abductor could figure out with a little homework. Along the same lines, never put your child’s name on the outside of a jacket or backpack. This gives an abductor an open invitation to call your child by name. This may lead your child to believe that the stranger actually knows his or her name, which will lead them to be less cautious.
Bullies
Bullying is an issue that schools are currently dealing with more aggressively. Dialogue about the issue shines more light on the problem, and on the bullies themselves. Talking with kids about bullying before it becomes an issue is important. Many schools deal with the subject of bullying through visits from school counselors and school-wide meetings on the subject. Bullies are given no power and the kids are all taught that it is everyone’s job to prevent bullying. Dialogue and awareness is important. If it isn’t a part of your child’s school’s curriculum, it may be worth discussing with a principal or school counselor. Your child should also be encouraged to address the issue with someone at school, especially if he or she is feeling particularly threatened or afraid.
If your child comes home complaining about a bully, it can be heartbreaking. You will want to drive to school and take care of it yourself. A good first step is arming your child with the appropriate tools for combating the issue: stepping in too quickly may harm self-esteem and could make the problem worse. On a better note, seeking assistance from a teacher or administrator is probably the best idea.
Encourage your children to walk with confidence and to always be aware of their surroundings (a common theme with self defense). Bullies look for an easy target, and a student walking tall and strong will make a less enticing target. Avoidance isn’t a bad thing when it comes to bullies. If there is an area of the lunchroom where the bully seems to hang out, encourage your child to find a new area to eat lunch. When confronted, teach your child to deny being a target. Respond to the bully with a confident, “Have a nice day” or “Catch you later”. Again, bullies like easy targets. They have low self-esteem and want someone who will cower when they are nearby. The key is not allowing them the chance to see your confidence shaken.
All of this sounds perfectly sensible and simple on paper. Nonetheless, until presented with a bullying situation, it’s hard to determine how a child will react. When children find they need to protect themselves, they need to know that fighting is a last resort, but a plausible option. Show your child some simple moves like a kick to the shin or a stiff shove. This could be all they need to fight back. Again, the majority of bullies will back-off when someone stands up to them. Make sure to explain to your child that fighting is never the first option, and you are certainly not encouraging them to fight! Still, they do need to know that it is perfectly okay to defend themselves. By signing your child up for a karate or taekwondo class, this may also help increase confidence.
Latchkey Kids
There are more dual-income families, today, than there were even 10 years ago. A lot of school-age children come home to an empty house after school, and find they are alone for several hours until a parent comes home from work. These kids are called “Latchkey Kids.” It is estimated that between seven and 12-million kids between the ages of five and 13 are home alone at some point during the day. These children are three times as likely to become injured, engage in delinquent behavior, or be victimized than their peers supervised by an adult. The easy answer to this safety dilemma is simply to not leave a child home unattended. But, practically speaking, this is seldom a viable option.
As a responsible parent, make certain specific rules are laid out for your child when he or she is home alone. Make sure they check in with an adult upon arrival home, and stay in the house until an adult arrives. If your work does not allow constant access to a phone, establish another option. Maybe grandma, or even a neighbor who is normally home at that time of day, can assist with the process. In doing so, if the adult in charge does not hear from your child by a set time each day, an immediate red flag goes up.
Your child should be discouraged from answering the door or phone when home alone. If someone does come to the door, children should talk through the door or window and explain that, “mom is on the phone and can’t come to the door right now.” You may want to keep the blinds closed and have your children ignore the phone and doorbell, completely, as to avoid the situation. A caller ID is a must if you have a child home alone. That way, they can be directed to answer calls only from certain family members.
Finally, the Internet should be off-limits when an adult is not home. In doing so, this will avoid any issues with inappropriate websites or contact with strangers in cyberspace.
Internet Safety
Internet safety is just another thing that today’s parents have to worry about. A system in place to monitor what your kids are doing on the Internet will alleviate most of the issue.
My children were on a game site geared towards kids — one they often play at school — and in the background, pornographic sites were popping up without them clicking on them. I checked it myself, and sure enough, they just opened in the background so that when you closed the game window the pictures were there. Also, look very closely at ads around the pages your kids visit. This same site had ads for adult sites on the bottom of the page. Having the blocking software installed can keep that from happening. Some of the software will limit the browsing to specific kids’ sites, and this is perfect for the eight and under crowd. Once your child is older and maybe needs to do research for school projects, a program that blocks inappropriate sites may be more useful. We use a free program called K-9 Web Protection, it is easy to install and use. It is not a replacement for a parent being around, but will keep those surprise sites from popping up unexpectedly.
Your kids should not be on the Internet when an adult is not at home. If your child has a computer in their room, do not connect it to the Internet. Most of the kids that get into trouble via the Internet are the ones sitting alone in their room, chatting with strangers, and visiting inappropriate sites. If the computer is out somewhere where mom or dad can walk by at any moment the temptation often disappears.
Teach your children to never share personal information with any one on the Internet. This includes name, city where you live, school, phone number, or any specific locations where they may hang out. Armed with a first name and the fact that you hang out at the local coffee shop, a predator can show up there after school and track your child down. If you live in a small town, having your last name can also narrow down the field if an abductor is trying to locate your child. With your last name and the mention of an upcoming vacation, someone will know when your house is ripe for a break-in. Criminals know how to work all of the angles and can use even the littlest piece of information to get what they want. Cyber bullies even use the internet to search for and attack children. Visit this page for more tips on online safety.
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