Domestic Violence
By Marlene Gundlach | July 26, 2008
When people hear the term domestic violence, they usually visualize a man beating a woman. This is a stereotypical definition of domestic violence, although it encompasses many other types of abuse. The following situations also fall under the definition of domestic abuse:
- A teenager hitting his mother
- A father hitting his children
- A boyfriend emotionally abusing his girlfriend
- A relative sexually abusing a family member
- A wife hitting her husband.
Warning Signs
When an individual is a victim of domestic abuse, he or she is ashamed and embarrassed. People are often reluctant to share information with anyone due to the fear of retaliation by the abuser. The abuser may make threats if the victim dares tell anyone, or may convince the victim that they are at fault. Most victims won’t report abuse themselves, so you must be on the lookout for warning signs. The following may be signs domestic abuse is occurring:
- Consistent occurrence of bruises
- Poor or inconsistent excuses for bruises or injuries
- Change in confidence or overall behavior
- A high absence rate from school or work
- Easily startled or seems continuously frightened
- Changes the subject or becomes uncomfortable when asked about injuries and home life.
If you see any of these behaviors in a child and suspect abuse, in some states you can make anonymous reports to your county’s Jobs and Family Services Department. Check with your local department to learn about their regulations about reporting.
If an adult is the victim in question, you may try and approach the individual when he or she is away from the abuser and mention your suspicions. For additional assistance, seek out another family member to keep an eye out for signs of unusual behavior and abuse.
Throwing Someone Out of the House
If you are the victim of domestic violence and you make the decision to throw the abuser out of your home, there are some precautions to take, afterward, to ensure your safety.
- Keep windows and doors locked at all times, even if you are at home.
- Change the locks on all of your doors. Even if the abuser has given you a set of keys, you can not be sure if there are additional copies.
- If you do not already have them, install peepholes in your doors. This will allow you to see who is at the door before opening it.
- Check that sliding glass doors have a bar or pole in place in addition to a regular lock. This keeps the door from sliding open if the lock is compromised.
- If you have children, prepare them with an escape plan should the abuser return. Check with a trusted neighbor and see if the children can run there for help or protection should an incident arise.
- Be sure your children know how to call 911 in case of an emergency.
It is always important to protect your home from an intrusion, but especially in a situation like this. Learn about other means to protect your home, both inside and out.
Restraining Order
A restraining order is an order of protection and will prevent an abuser from coming within a specified distance of you. If you have a restraining order and the individual shows up at your place of work or at your home, they can be arrested and sent to jail if you report them. To file a restraining order, you must fear that the offender will cause bodily harm to you or that you are in danger when they are near. You can file the papers at your local courthouse or have a lawyer file the papers for you. If you have any documentation of the abuse like photos, bruises, or records of police involvement, bring those with you as proof that you are in danger from this individual. If you are awarded a restraining order, keep the following in mind:
- The order is not effective until the offender receives their copy. Often the most dangerous time for a victim is the time between filing for the order and when the offender receives their copy. Take extra precautions during this period.
- Keep a copy of the order with you at all times. Make extra copies to give to a co-worker, landlord, neighbor, or a family member. Also be sure your local police department is aware of the order and has a copy on file. If you work in another town, do the same with their local department. This way if they witness a violation they can make the call and have a copy of the protective order as proof.
A restraining order is only helpful if you follow through and call when the offender is in violation of the order. Do not let the abuser talk you into not calling the police just this one time. The abuser may try and convince you that he/she has only come to talk. If the guidelines in the restraining order have been violated, call the police and make a report.
Where to Go for Help
If you are a victim of domestic violence, you need to immediately get help. Talk with friends or family, but also seek professional assistance. There are organizations in every community designed to support victims of domestic violence. They can provide legal guidance, shelter, and counseling for little or no cost. Do not be ashamed to seek this type of help; it is the first step in getting your life back and ensuring your safety. The National Domestic Violence Hotline is a valuable resource for anyone looking for protection.
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